Mental health issues suck! Every damn time I think I have a handle on things bad thoughts take over. No matter how hard I try not to let it win, it wins…. So I have to take time off .Cry it out. Then spend the weekend trying to figure out what I have to do to keep going. But it also meant skipping yoga on Friday. NOT GOOD. Yoga usually helps.
Good thing was no panic attacks.
Thursday – No freaken idea what went on that day. I know kids school. Cooked and Clean but, I can not remember any specifics.
Friday– Ordered Donuts for the kids. We had to take the car in to get checked out which meant I could not get the groceries. Like they mind getting donuts for breakfast again. Dropped off the car down and couple hours later they called. It is just going to cost us $950 to get fixed. Happy me. I had put away $1500. Left over money gets transfered immediately into the savings. Got car and just have to wait til they get part.
I don’t know what happened to make me just sit in the room and cry… Forcing myself to be happy in front of the kids. I hate worrying them. The last thing they need to do is stress over mommie. They have enough to deal with at this time.
Ordered dinner. Let everyone chose what they wanted to eat from Grub hub. Some chose nachos, some chinese food and I chose Indian food. Always wanted to try it. YUMMY! And after kids ate theirs they tried to eat mine. They loved it.
Did not want to write, read or do yoga. Sat in bed listening to 80’s music while everyone played video games.
Saturday– Last night Dreamt I had a pet bear. I was hugging him and trying to trim his nails like you do a dog. He did not want them trimmed. Kept shaking his head no. Just wanted to be loved. Wish that were real. I absolutely love bears.
Day old donuts for breakfast. Forgot what I did for lunch but I do know we got panda for kids, husband got a weird grilled chicken with macroni and cheese sandwhich.Gross!
Guess what I got? Yup, you guessed it- Indian food. So addicting.This time I chose to have it a bit more spicy. And chose something a bit different. Last one had shrimp.Everyone ate what was left of mine. No chance for leftovers.
Again kept to myself in my room alone. Well not necessarily along… My baby Harlie always seems to know when I need her. Kids played games. Husband played games.
Sunday– Is it bad that I ordered donuts for the kids again? Wanted a donut my self with some coffee before everyone else got up. My husband of course was up yet still not wanting to be thoughtful by making the coffee.Which reminds me, I need to order for Nespresso.
Had to pick up groceries today. Kids wanted to drive with us so, while I finished my coffee that somehow managed to show me love by leaving me a beautiful foamy heart they rushed to dress.They grabbed a donut while running out the door. It as always was a nice quiet drive. Until we got close to home. I accidentally said a bad word and husband thought it would be fun to reprimand me.(Have been working on the potty mouth at kids request) Hmm really, this comming from the man who damns God every two seconds while playing a video game. And Lord forbid I call him out on that.. Love getting yelled at. Pretty sure it was his excuse to not spend time with me. He dumped the groceries on the table and jumped right onto the game. Can we say SET UP.
Tired of all the spending so I cooked our lunch and dinner. Money should not be wasted. It should be spent carefully and any extra put away. This crap has taught me one thing and one thing only-SAVE FOR EMERGENCIES!
Also saving for our move to TEXAS. Money to travel, several months of rent saved, money for new furniture ect….
I felt bad for feeling bad so I baked. Lemon cupcakes with white chocolate cream cheese frosting. Kids were happy but all still glued to the video games. No Sunday Snuggle. Oh well…
Called my daddy to wish his a Happy Birthday. His getting older does not help my mental state. He is almost 80 and I hate it. He has to have surgery soon and well again I hate my daddy getting old.
Got kids to take their showers. Hopefully all will get to bed soon.
Ending this now-Bye