Personal

No sleep, Very stressed -Diary entry

March 4th-Thursday

Dear Diary,

Lack of sleep… Why am I having trouble getting to sleep? Why am I having trouble staying asleep once I do sleep? When my alarm went off at 8:30 am I had to ask it for 20 more minutes. Need to be up at least in time for (G) to try and log in for his reading zoom.

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When the alarm went off for the 2nd time, I shook (G) up and he grabbed his laptop setting it up in the kitchen. Man I did not want to get up but he needed my help logging in. Then found out that his Reading teacher is my husbands Magic the Gathering game playing friends’ wife. She was nice and (G) seemed to like her.

Was going to get the kids cereal for breakfast. Too damn tired to cook. I would be fine not to eat. Coffee would be suffice. My husband offered to just make english muffins knowing that I can not eat it. Trying to eat better, excercise and lose at least 15 lbs. He complained so I guess that meant he was too lazy to scramble a couple of eggs and toss the sausage in the stove. Damn forgive me for caring about my old ass body.

I sat at the table or well at least close by the table helping (G) with his school work. Then had to try once again to see if we could figure out how to get him into his regular zoom class. Which we did. Teacher mixed up the am class with the pm class.

(R) and (C) did their attendance. (M) has been doing so much better being up for all 6 of his classes. He finally turned in a math quiz that he has avoiding in doing. I kind of got upset with him after all I did to help him get the courage to talk to his teacher by emailing her myself. How and why would you do all the work for a test and refuse to turn it in? Three days he has had it done. When I yelled, cried and said fuck it I give up was when he finally turned it in. Oh and guess what? He passed the test.

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Finally lunch time. Made and passed out the sandwiches. Ate my salad. Got into an argument with my husband about our lack of communication. This was after he spent an hour on the phone with his friend talking. Why can’t he talk to me like he talks to his friends?

Did you know that once I was trying to talk to him about something when he stopped me, grabbed his phone and said “hold on I have to tell (ST). I could not believe that he dropped our conversation so he could finish it with his friend. Apparently he doesn’t like to talk to me because all I do is “Bitch”. You want to know when I bitch? Circumstances such as this is why.

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Tired of being ignored.


Anyway, I have my kids. We have our coffee time. We have our Sunday snuggle when we spend the whole day together. I guess I should be thankful for at least that….

Dinner time and can you guess what? He complained about it being salmon. Cook then damn it! Or talk to me when I write up the damn grocey list! I love salmon. And I want to eat better…

The boys ate with me in my bedroom so I didn’t eat alone. Love them when they are good. After dinner I made our coffee.

Wanted to do my Yoga early because I am freaken tired for my no sleep issue.

Had to cut yoga time in half. Did not think I would be able to make it through all of it. It was a good thing because kids kept interrupting me. (C) barged in while I did my wind down yoga. Tried to stop him from talking but he said “No wait because I want to ask if we can eat Mcdonalds” Again I tried to kick him out but he said ” but I just want to ask you if we can have Mcdonalds” I gave up.Plus ewe Mcdonalds. Ended the yoga and went out to explain that part of why I do yoga is to help with my stress. That them fighting, making loud noises outside my door and running in/out my bedroom DOES NOT HELP.

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Husband can’t seem to help. He gets to leave the house to his friends or the card shop. Can’t he stay off the damn video game for just one short hour to help keep kids quiet????? Can’t I have at least that?

Cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash, cleaned to doggie area , made lavender tea and now I am going to try to sleep. Kids have a late start day and I have to pick up groceries. Please Please let me have a start to finish good day.

“Let your life lightly dance on the edges of time like dew on the tip of a leaf”

-Rabindranath Tagore

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