Personal

Seriously, It had to be another Calgone day?

February 10th-Wednesday

Dear Diary,

What the hell is going on with the kids? A total repeat of yesterday but it was more of a “I want to run away from home” day. I thought G was going to listen. He got onto zoom without trouble. Then all hell broke loose. C ran out of his room 20 minutes after zoom started saying he was done. Right, because 100 calls from school says otherwise. G started running all over the place. Chasing dogs, grabbing a stick and tossing nerf balls. R opened his laptop and two minutes later shut it saying “Oh my battery dead can’t do zoom”. I tossed him a charger, telling him to get back on but no he said he wont do it with it plugged into the wall. HELLO, Son you play with my phone while its on the charger. M would not wake up and log onto his first.

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Then things really got bad. They all started to act like I was the bad one. Like how dare I want them to have an education and get somewhere in life. One kids cries how I do not believe him regarding his classes. How? I have phone calls from the school proving to be the case. Another kid cries he hates school and why do zoom when he will just do the class work later. When like after you play a video game or two? M bitches how he hates math and does not understand math. Ummm talk to your teacher about it. Ask for extra help. AND STAY OFF THE GAMES! I suck at math and struggled bad as a child in math. Learn disability did not help with the situation but I worked hard.

I wanted to shut down. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away.

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Made breakfast which I am sure was sprinkled with tears(not really). I made myself a cup of coffee, sat at the table. Trying to ignore all the Yells of I hate you, Why dont you believe me?, You’re a bad mom, I hate school ect…

I love my kids. I would die for my kids and yet these last few days I just wanted to run away from my kids.

We had to make a quick target run. We are suppose to have alot of snow. But we all know how quickly weather can change. Either way I wanted to be prepared. I got food in case power turns off and food in case we are not able to get to the store this weekend. I took C so get him out of the house for a bit. Usually I can calm him down by taking him for a drive.

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When we got back the kids seemed to have settled. I also brought them back some lunch. Used our weekend allowance again because we might not be able to go anywhere this weekend. We love love and are praying for snow.

After dinner was coffee time with R. We had a talk regarding his attitude these last few days. Well he broke down. Apparently the kids hates where we live. He does not at all feel safe. Rightly so there has been a few incidents here regarding the increasing amount of shooting that have occured this summer. Our landlord assured us that she is taking care of the issue. She said we are the only good tennants that live here. We dont cause trouble and we usually pay our rent on time(before losing our jobs). And we do our best to pay the majority( not that far behind). Anyway being here is not helping his anxiety. I explained that he needs to start talking and not act out. I understand and before the summer is up we do have every intentions on moving. Waiting for our taxes to make sure rent is paid and we have enough to cover several months of rent elsewhere.

G later jumped on my lap.Told me how he was sorry. I said ” How many times are you going to say sorry before actually meaning it?”I did say that no matter what I would accept his apology. God does say forgive 70×7. I will do just that. I also told him no more 5 nights at Freddy You tube videos. I hate those videos and those creepy songs. Kids should NOT watch that crap. It was banned once before several years ago. He was caught watching it again several times this week. It will be banned yet again. He sat with me the rest of the day. He even did yoga with me.

Talked to M about his school. I told him how the only one he is hurting is himself( not to mention that he is hurting me). If he is having trouble that it’s his job to start asking for help. Let him know that I can help in just about every subject but math. He needs to email his teacher and have a talk with her. And he has to log onto classed-PERIOD!. I know he can do it if he tried. Such a smart kid.

The day is about over. I love these boys. I try my best. I am hoping this is just all due to the stress of not being able to do all we use to before covid. I do plan on moving out of this state. My boys in California are planning on moving as well and our goal is for all to be in the same state again. Trouble is they want Texas. Texas has hot weather and Tornadoes.

I am going to end this here. Maybe say a Prayer asking God for a better day for us all. Maybe read.

Talk to you tomorrow.

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