My Diary (Jan )- The weekend that started off good but ended bad

Jan. 23, – Thank GOD its FRIDAY!

Oh, I loved my new yoga routine. Up at 7:50 am and quietly moved R’s mattress. Funny how not once did he move a muscle or wonder what the heck was going on. Now that I had room for my yoga matt, I grabbed my water and started the class. It was so hard but hopefully worth it in the end.

Kids had a late start day so once done with yoga I made breakfast,coffee sat at the table and relaxed a bit before I had to wake them. My husband was up but this time not on the game. He had to deal with some works stuff and left as soon after I finished with my yoga. Made my morning so much more relaxing not to mention better. I hate watching him sit there talking to his friends while I do work.

School began at 10 am. Kids made a comment about how there is no difference between their dad being gone or at home. In otherwords when he is home it is just like he is gone. Please tell me why the hell that man can’t see what he is doing? God forbid I say anything to him about how we all feel because his one and only response usually is “I am not doing anything wrong”. He has eyes yet is blind.

Kids killed me. They quickly made sure to hurry and get their school work done so they can get on the game and play before their dad got back. At least my boys were able to play for a couple of hours before he got home and said “off the game!”. I did find out that he made a stop to the card shop to pick up a stupid card for his Magic the gathering deck. You do NOT even know how much I hate those cards. I wish they would burn with the video games. I found it funny how he was talking about selling his card but he still seems to buy more.

While my husband was home and at his favorite spot I tried to help G with some school stuff. He just is not focusing when he is in his zoom sessions. I had to buy some textbooks order to get him extra help. I do need to take a run to barnes and noble to buy some times table flash card. I spent some time helping until I had to finally finish cleaning my apartment and start working on dinner. I also wanted to get another yoga session in before it was our board game time. My 16 year old is hooked on the Trivial Pursuit and had it ready to go after yoga. I love playing board game with my boys.

We played for about two hours. I was about to fall asleep so we had to quit. I think M was ahead this time. I think I need to find one that might be a tad bit easier for the little kids.

It was about 9:30 pm when they all went to bed. M went to play a quick game in the xbox because his friends were on as well. He is 16 so he is able to stay up a little longer.

Just got out of the bath and am settled in my bed. Made a deal with my husband. He cooks breakfast and I will as usual clean.

Well I better get off its getting late and need to read. Sweet dreams

January 23rd- Saturday

Why on a day that I do not have to wake up for yoga or kids that I end up waking up at 8am? Still having minor issues staying asleep the whole night but it’s improving thanks to those pills my mom told me about from Walmart for menopause. Anyway, I just sat in bed not wanting to do a darn thing. I did had to pee but it was so freaken cold I couldnt bring myself to toss off my warm blankets. But, I did. Do not want a bladder infection. Plus I wanted to look outside because my weather app said snow. So disappointed to see my app was a big ugly liar. The only thing it didn’t lie about was the temperature-29degrees. Love the cold and love the snow.

I heard my husbands alarm go off and I heard him on the game. I cant believe that crap. He literally had it set in order to beat his own kids on the playstation/xbox. About 45 min. later he did walk in with a small bowl of scramble eggs, sausage with a cup of coffee. Sat at the foot of my bed ate his food, said ” well I made you breakfast, Happy?” Then back to his game. Hmm I have no idea if he was trying to be a jerk or what with that comment.

Slowly but surely all the kids got up. Each asking for breakfast. I should not have been surprised by the huge mess my husband left me but if I dare make just one remark he will say ” nothing I do is ever good enough”. So I cleaned up and got my boys their breakfast. While they were eating I thought I might as well clean the whole apartment. Make it extra clean so hopefully on Sunday I wont have to do as much and maby relax a bit. I have been feeling so worn out. I would love for just one day to where I do not have to get out of bed. Just stay there the whole day drinking coffee and reading books…. Such a lovely dream to have. If only…..

Do NOT pay attention to the fact that my kids were wearing the same Pj’s two days in a row. I promise they do eventually change them.

Lunch( I skipped it but kids did not) then dinner….Kids wanted to play a different game. This time Star Wars Monopoly. Again we had fun. I of course was the first to go bankrupt while my M totally killed it in the game. He game out the big winner. I am really enjoying this time with my kids. Very happy if anything that I have them. I don’t know what I am going to do once they all leave the house. I will be so alone, lost and sad. Oh need to not think or worry about that now. For now I will enjoy my time with my 5 monsters.

It is late and I am tired. I was thinking about taking another bath because I am still very sore from my new morning yoga rountine. Nope dont think the bath will happen. Do not want to move so I will end this entry and read…. Good bye and good night.

Jan. 24th- A horrible Sunday

Dear Diary,

I do not know what to say about today. It started off nice with G giving me a good morning kiss. My adorable little shih tzu got a tad jealous jumped on my tummy and started to lick my face. She is such a very loving dog. Once she was done with the kisses she asked to go potty. She does this silly hop up and down by the door. My son was kind enough to volunteer to open the back door for her. Few minutes later both hopped back into bed for some snuggle time while the rest of the house was still asleep.

It was about 10am when my husband thought he was going to catch me still asleep by the way he pushed open the door and jumped. Just wierd and pointless… He asked about breakfast which means I have to get up because he is to incapable of pouring himself a bowl of cereal and pouring in the milk. Once he realized I was not going to move he decided to run to the store and picked up some Madeleines. By the time he got back all the kids were up asking for some coffee. I took their orders, lined up all the pods, syrups and cups. 20 minutes later all orders were fulfilled with a madeleine on the side. G wanted to use our new cute espresso cups that Nespresso sent us for free.. To my surprise he loved the shot of espresso with a drop of vanilla syrup. Never thought a 10 year old would love stuff like that but I am so going to pay for that later.

Oh forgot to mention the mess I walked into this morning in my kitchen. Really! I clean it before I go to bed. I questioned my husband and he blamed the kids who were in bed before I cleaned. I always know how my day will go by the amount of mess I wake up to.

I was a bit surprised how he did not immediately jump on the game. Instead Magic the Gathering cards were spread out on the table. I asked him when he would work more on his real estate clases and response was ” Oh bring me the computer and I will get some done” Bring him the computer? What the hell was wrong with his legs?

Kids were at least able to play the xbox/playstation(1 hr) while I got them their lunch and their dad was preocuppied with his cards. Well only two are able to play at a time. The two youngest played some pokemon with their brothers in Cali. Lunch today was panda. I hate panda but I alway trie to work a meal out into the budget. I just need a break from cooking every now and then but mostly on weekends. Yes, husband can cook but you don’t understand the mess he leaves. He will not clean. Plus he plays dumb and somehow tricks me into helping.

Later I wanted to look for receipts and gather up the papers I need to start our taxes. I also decided it was time to clean out my nightstand. I tossed out two bags of old magazine and old bills. Night stand is now 30 pounds lighter and my 2020 tax folder is read. In the middle of me cleaning my two youngerst decided they wanted to be monsters. So much yelling and tossing crap at each other for a freaken stupid ass pen. BC said his little brother gave him yet the little one said it was a lie. I finally had to grab the pen and well the pen is now mine. I then got a sock tossed in my face with an “I hate you” from my sometimes sweet adorable son.

It was still kind of early to start dinner and my husband brought home a chocolate cake with the madeleines so I figured it would not hurt to have dessert before dinner. Especially for me. I can not eat anything chocolate past a certain time. Oh the joys of getting old. As I was cutting the cake my husband said he wants his with coffee. Then one kid say “me too” I figured eventually others would follow suit so I grabbed cups poured proper amount of syryps in each cup when suddenly everyone said “mom I want this syrup” “mom I want it iced” ” mom I want it in this cup” Literally all at once to where I got so frazzled I accidentally dropped a cup that had syrup on the floor. I screamed louder than I intended for them to please shut the hell up. I cried as I cleaned the sticky nastly mess. What made things worse is that my husband not once stepped in to see if I needed help. Eventually I got my self together. Passed out the cake, coffee and went to my room.

Each kid followed and apologized. M thought a game of Trivial Pursuit would help which it did. We played an hour before realizing that we are not getting anywhere. Still a bit upset despite kids trying to make it all better. Figured I needed to get into a nice hot bath which while in the bath I cried more… I cried because of my crappy day and I cried because I was thinking about my crappy marriage, my crappy life with all my crappy mistakes. I cried because I miss the hell out of my adult children in Cali.

Its late. I have to get my kids to bed tomorrow is school and morning yoga. Good night

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